my heart.
Dear God,
Thank you for being Lord of my life, and knowing me fully inside & out. God I pray that you continue to let my light shine so that this world will know you & not me.
God you know my desires and at this phase & juncture in my life while in school I desire to excel in my classes. It is my prayer that although i am at the bottom now that you will give me the strength, favor, and focus to develop greater discipline. I desire to graduate law school with honors. Although, my grades don’t reflect the best of me, I know that you can take any negative & make it a positive. Lord help me be better in work and in every other juncture of my life. I can do nothing without you, but all things are possible with you. God I need your power, strength, fortitude, and grace to help me. This school year was one of the most challenging ever. Please favor me. I know that I am great and can do 10 times better. Help me be the best Nia that I can possibly be.
Lord, thank you for leading & blessing my life. Thank you for being my father & creator. You give me everything I need and more. I thank you that in exactly 30 days, I will be embarking on a journey to S.Africa. I look forward to using that time to just continue to strengthen my walk. I love you and I thank you. Thank you for all of my heart’s desires that you know about before I even utter them. But, more than things I thank you for just being amazing & lord. I am honored & grateful.
More.
People should have standards and never waiver from what they truly want and desire. It is disappointing to see the people whom I sincerely love settle. I am not in a relationship and have never been truly in love with anyone. Although, it is challenging to sometimes restrict myself, I know that I can not settle for second best when God has called me to have the very best. Sometimes life requires us to learn patience. God allows us to have mediocrity when we take it upon ourselves to settle for less. But, when we are determined and have an attitude to win and have the best we will. I want God’s absolute best for my life and I want the people i love to have the same. All I want is God’s best for me & them. I pray that God moves in their lives in a way that they will see that it pays to wait on him.
.fit.
I am a couple weeks away of completing my first year of law school. However, the is a doubt and emptiness that I sometimes feel. It is not necessarily that I question my abilities, but I wonder why many of the things that I am learning do not come naturally(especially since this is what I was born to do. I know that this process is arduous, but I sometimes wonder why I just don’t get what others do. It is hard to be in a community, and still be rejected. I sometimes I wonder where I will end up but for now I guess I must continue to embrace the process and trust the man upstairs. I just feel out of place at times.
My Portion
Sometimes I sit and marvel about all that I see around me. The abundance that is before me, but God knows in reality that my heart is sometimes heavy because I desire a help meet on this journey. I look at those around me and I celebrate their relationships. But, I truly sometimes long for true intimacy and companionship. I desire something genuine, authentic, and pure.
I will never forget one of my mentor’s telling me that I may have to wait it out a little while before my portion comes along. I appreciate the process although waiting is not always easy. There are days when the reality is i just want someone to hold me and tell me everything will be alright and to encourage and nurture me. I am secure in who I am. I embrace my spirituality, but truthfully my humanity is so real. Sometimes the journey is lonely, but I am assured this won’t last always.
my thoughts and emotions.
I feel peace and sorrow. I’m happy yet sad. Last Thursday, 3.28.13 I lost one of my best friends, confidents, mentors, and the matriarch of my family: my grandmother. She lived 86 joyous and wonderful years. I know she is at peace, but I miss coming home and telling her about my day while we are cooking or watering flowers. I miss her giving me wisdom or sitting up late nights talking to me about life and listening to me rant about school or work. I miss her telling me that all things are possible and sitting with her light shining bright and her reading her word, and talking about God’s grace, mercy, and goodness. I know God needed his angel, but I miss that angel. Her spirit lit our family, and she was a light for the world to see God. She was the epitome of God’s love, grace, and mercy. She had a close walk with him, and I’m grateful that she had such an intimate relationship with him and she knew him for herself. I admire her walk and the true woman that she was. She was great from the inside out. I pray that God continues to give me her strength, and wisdom. I pray that God helps me to love and care for the least and the lost the way she did. I love you Nana. I know you are watching me, and I want you to know that I love soooooooooooooooooooo very much. You are my phenomenal woman.
Love,
Nia
Glory
This morning my grandmother transitioned to be with God at around 4am, but she was pronounced dead at 7:40am. To know that she made it to heaven makes me want to rejoice. My heart is heavy, but I know that she is my ever present source of strength and help. She is with the greatest Father. I am glad that she was able to see me from infancy until now. She spoke into my life, taught me how to cook, and garden, and how to love. She showed me what it means to truly walk with God and to trust him fully. I appreciate the fact that she was able to speak into my life, and she was able to see me begin my journey in law school. She told me that I would get accepted in the University of Maryland School of Law, and her words did not come back void.
I will remember the Sundays cooking with her, and after church watching the Word network. Just hearing the word encouraged us both. Our late night conversations will always be memorable when I would lay in her bed the and we would talk about everything. I will always remember rolling her hair, or polishing her nails, and just having my ear close to listen in anticipation to hear would she would have to say. She poured so much into me and we had such a close relationship. I will never forget our bond and I can’t wait to see her in my dreams, visions, and eventually in glory.
I love how she loved others and taught love to be compassionate, and encouraging. She was a woman truly after God’s own heart. God thank you for the opportunity to know such a great woman.
