I see myself working as a serial entrepreneur, lawyer, and philanthropist. Now is the time for me to put these plans to work and really get dirty. I know that I will have ups and downs, hard times, pain, and may know struggle. However, I am assured that I will never know lack or lack the resources or insight that I need to proceed. This Christmas, I don’t want the dumb stuff, I need substance. I am over clothes, and stuff— i am ready to create, build, and establish a living legacy of greatness. I am prepared to work my a** off for what I want. I don’t expect anything to be given to me, but I am prepared to war for who I am supposed to be and where I am supposed to be. This Christmas, I need greater motivation and drive to endure the course. I am thrilled and anxious about 2014, but I am looking forward to furthering my purpose. I am ready to grind it out at a whole notha’ level.
For some odd reason, I feel burned out and unengaged. i feel removed from my work and totally unmotivated. I feel confused as to why I am going through this process. I feel that I need a second wind or merely strength. I feel like I have lost my strength and focus. I need it back quickly as i have a couple more weeks of school to grind this work out and to finish strong. I pray now for focus & STRENGTH!!!!
Words cannot express how much I miss you. Some pain takes true time to heal. Today, I truly miss you. Tomorrow is the first Thanksgiving without you, and the holiday does not feel the same without you. My heart is truly heavy. I pray for strength daily to get through. I miss your words of inspiration, and wisdom. I am grateful for the time that I had with you, but right now I need your strength and inspiration. I pray that you send me an earthly angel to speak to and communicate with. I pray that you give me strength and help me to release all of the negative and stressful feelings that I feel. I pray that you visit me in my travels and in my dreams. I want to see you soon. I love you.
Some days, I even wonder why i am on the journey. Yes, i believe it is my purpose and that I will be successful, but some days the sacrifice is hard. IT IS A REAL STRUGGLE. i literally have to take it one day at a time and trust him solely. I get frustrated, tired, and weary. I trust the process though. Although, this space is so uncomfortable some times, i am comforted knowing that i am in his hand and will. There is peace knowing that i am exactly where i am supposed to be.
I pray that I become stronger in the process, and that I don’t become faint. When I want to give up, I know that I must PUSH, literally and figuratively. i must pray until something happens. I must pray until I get done everything and I must stay focus on the goal.
This journey like any other is purely a faith journey that requires me to stretch myself beyond comfort zone. In the larger scheme of things, I understand this journey is not for me— it is for all of the people that I must work to impact, influence, serve, and assist. I pray that my sacrifice, and discomfort pay off. As long as he gets glory, I am satisfied. God, thank you. I am grateful.
Some days where I am in time and space feels surreal. Although, I am not making big bucks (yet), and no I haven’t started all the many ventures that run rampant in my head, I am grateful for where I am. I am in a happy place. It is uncomfortable some days, it has its highs and lows, but I am where I’m supposed to be. I am on a road to greatness. This law thing is not for the faint at heart, but I’m enduring. I’m progressing and living my dreams. I wish some days that my grandmother were here with me to help me through my low days. I miss her words of encouragement and wisdom. But, I’m so grateful that she was able to invest in me. I promise that i will ensure that her spirit lives on in all that I do. I aspire to be as resilient, strong, courageous, loving, and sincere as she was. She is my hero.
At one time, it was one of the last places that I imagined myself. These days, I only see myself living in NYC or DC. I am a city girl at heart and so the more i think and pray the more I realize that cities give me life. I absolutely don’t see myself anywhere else than in a big city. The big city, the shows, the culture, the museums, the people, the food, the scenery, and the rich environment captivates me. I love that city and I look forward to living there very soon. :)
There are days when I feel frustrated, and sometimes sad. This year has been one of the most rewarding and one of the most challenging in many respects. But despite everything, I am grateful. I am grateful for life, and for purpose, and just to know God. I thank God for loving me unconditionally, and giving me peace in the midst of everything. The beginning of my legal career has been rocky and challenging to say the least, but I know without a doubt that I was created for the work I am embarking upon. My heart is full some days because I feel like I want to save the world and just be impactful, but that is my grandmother’s spirit of love that empowers me. Her heart of compassion is what inspires me. I am better because of her, and I will seek greatness because of God. Truly with him all things are possible. So, I am grateful. :)
Today was an amazing day. I began my day attending a church service here in Cape Town which was great. It was great being amongst other believers that trust and believe in the same God, and whose faith is amazing. Then, I went to visit Robbens Island today where Nelson Mandela”Madiba” spent 16 years in this small prison cell and slept on blankets and a pallet in a small cell. He wrote his autobiography “A Long Walk to Freedom” there. Many political prisoners were detained there beginning in the late 1600s until the 19th century. The island was also used to house the mentally ill, and also people who had leprosy. My tour guide was once a political prisoner at the maximum facility jail. It was interesting to hear how some prisoners could only receive visits for 30 minutes. Mail sent to the prisoners was censored and if letters contained information about things taking place on the outside, that section or portion of the letter would be cut out or the letter would not have been delivered. There is a school and two churches on the island. Many of the tour guides and past prisoners not reside on the premises with their families. The ferry ride to and from the island is about 40 minutes total from Cape Town. There is a school on the island that recently closed and so children that reside on the island are required to ride 45 mins. to and from school each day. One of the things that I found most interesting is that when political prisoners were first taken to the island the prison needed to be built and the prisoner’s were forced to build the prison where they were bound for speaking out and daring to be different.
It is something how people try to hinder truth from being revealed and freedom from being attained. I realized today that freedom is never free and there is always a costs to be liberated. While on Robben Island, I thought about the people here and the daily things that they seek to fight through. The walk to freedom is definitely long, and sometimes may seem infinite but it is worth the journey for the next generation. Since being here in S. Africa, I have felt depressed and heavy hearted because of what I have experienced and felt. I just pray that things change and that the Africa that I have experienced my children won’t have to know.
I often dreamed of this magical place that I have now arrived in. It is the complete opposite of what I expected it to be. I thought the people would be warm & welcoming, it would ultimately feel like home, and that I would truly feel comfortable here. My experience here has been truly eye opening and has partially exposed me to the reality of living in a second or almost third world country. To be on the continent of Africa and 7000k miles away from the U.S. is amazing. To be in a place where many of the shops and cultures do not automatically revolve around American culture is refreshing. However, the residue of oppression from apartheid and the poverty that the people face is unfathomable in 2013.
It is devastating to see some of the townships that are 10 times worse than the projects in most urban cities, or for me as an African American woman to walk in stores in Cape Town and some white people assume that I work in the store and I am not a patron. There are many instances where I have received stares by white people because they often wonder what I’m doing in staying in their neighborhood. I have yet to see very many African business owners. Many of the business owners are white or Asian and have black Africans working for them. Much like the racism in America, it is very prevalent here. See some of the African people dehumanized in certain stores and being followed around in a store is very foreign to me in some respects. While shopping in a grocery store, I was followed on numerous occasions by security officers that looked like me. I was followed merely because I had a bag from another store. Right before the store closed, the employees had to be patted down before leaving the store. My heart went out to the employees because this is the harsh reality of oppression. For a moment, I felt like I was in the segregated south where blacks where treated like this.
My heart has been heavy since being here. It is a beautiful place that I want to see more of, but it is so disheartening to feel the sting of oppression, colonization, and apartheid. I never in a million years imagined that the mother land would feel like this.
It is sometimes hard when you come to the realization that you are truly flawed. We all have our issues and insecurities, but it is interesting and life changing to really look introspectively at yourself and be able to sincerely acknowledge your strengths, weaknesses, and issues.
There are many things that I know that I need to work on, and over the last 6 months of this year, I have seen a lot of things about me that I need to change. it is not always easy or comfortable but necessary for my growth. It is essential that I focus less on my flaws and just on being better. There are days when I feel that my flaws get the best of me, but I understand that as long as I live I will not be perfect. However, the goal is for me to be the best person that I can possibly be and to diligently operate fully in my purpose.
I have no idea exactly what type of law I want to practice, but what is essential is that I work for myself in a small boutique firm. My interests include civil rights issues, political law, family & sports & entertainment(contract drafting & negotiations). I will find my place somewhere in the mix of things.
It dawned on me today how much I truly miss you. I miss talking to you about my day or us just reminiscing. I miss the spring and summer days when would sit on the front porch or the back deck and listen to wind whistle and birds chirp. Some days, I hate the fact that I can’t just sit and talk to you about life, and the little things. Today, was one of the hard days when I just wish you were here. It was a day that I needed your energy, inspiration, and smile. Just know if nothing else. I can’t wait to see you again. I miss you so much.
Yesterday, I completed my first year of law school. I’m humbled, grateful, relieved and anxious. I am grateful that God helped me get through the hardest nine months. I felt every bit of the labor pains. From having a rocky first semester where I question my purpose, and call to this semester when I loss my grandmother. The days when it was hard to focus and believe in myself. I am grateful that God believed in me and trusted me to be where i am. I know I don’t deserve anything that I have, but I am 100% grateful. The disappointments, rejections, and let downs are truly making me stronger. It is my prayer that God continues to order my steps.
Over the past nine months, doubt, confusion, and uncertainty got the best of me. However, I know that whatever God brings me to, he will surely bring me through. I have to trust him for the next 2 years of school and for life. I just want to be happy. There were many days when I felt like just giving up. God showed me the unglamorous process that is required to truly excel at my purpose. I never imagined that once I reached law school that I would feel the way I would. But at this point, I must continue to press toward the mark & trust God.
Right now, I am grateful and preparing for my next journey in South Africa. I am excited and nervous but I know that all things are perfect in him. Thank you God for my purpose & getting me through this first year.
Yesterday, I heard a sermon in which the Pastor taught about channeling negative thinking and focusing on positive outcomes and results. I could not help but think about my daily struggles in law school. The pastor stated that the best way to deter negative thinking is to use my imagination. I guess after 3 final exams and 10 grulling hours, I hope that this semester will be greater than last and that my greatness will prevail on paper. I feel conflicted when I take tests because I am forced to conform to an age old, crazy way of testing knowledge when I know what I’m capable of beyond a classroom and a test. I know that this is the process, but it is my hope that although my beginning was rocky, my ending will should and display god in totality. I pray that people will see that without him I am nothing. Heavy weight is placed on grades, but it is my hope that I can get beyond grades & excel. I know in the end everything that I am going through will pay off. I just need to get through this middle passage and then I can live HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
School has been challenging and intense this semester. The hardest thing that I have to still get through is the fact that my grandmother is no longer here. Some days I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that she is now an angel. I miss her so much some days. My heart is still trying to process everything that has happened.
This semester has been filled with days when I wanted to give up, give in, crack, break, throw in the towel and just merely walk away from everything. I have been stressed & annoyed as well. However, as long as God is getting glory, I am on course. This journey is not for the faint-hearted or weary. It takes a true relationship with God to know that he is so real. God is truly my source.
There are days when I want to cry but I can’t because he is holding me together when I want to just fall apart. I know understand the phrase “things fall apart.” Although they fall apart, they also always work out for His GOOD, and there is purpose behind the process.
Thank you for being Lord of my life, and knowing me fully inside & out. God I pray that you continue to let my light shine so that this world will know you & not me.
God you know my desires and at this phase & juncture in my life while in school I desire to excel in my classes. It is my prayer that although i am at the bottom now that you will give me the strength, favor, and focus to develop greater discipline. I desire to graduate law school with honors. Although, my grades don’t reflect the best of me, I know that you can take any negative & make it a positive. Lord help me be better in work and in every other juncture of my life. I can do nothing without you, but all things are possible with you. God I need your power, strength, fortitude, and grace to help me. This school year was one of the most challenging ever. Please favor me. I know that I am great and can do 10 times better. Help me be the best Nia that I can possibly be.
Lord, thank you for leading & blessing my life. Thank you for being my father & creator. You give me everything I need and more. I thank you that in exactly 30 days, I will be embarking on a journey to S.Africa. I look forward to using that time to just continue to strengthen my walk. I love you and I thank you. Thank you for all of my heart’s desires that you know about before I even utter them. But, more than things I thank you for just being amazing & lord. I am honored & grateful.
People should have standards and never waiver from what they truly want and desire. It is disappointing to see the people whom I sincerely love settle. I am not in a relationship and have never been truly in love with anyone. Although, it is challenging to sometimes restrict myself, I know that I can not settle for second best when God has called me to have the very best. Sometimes life requires us to learn patience. God allows us to have mediocrity when we take it upon ourselves to settle for less. But, when we are determined and have an attitude to win and have the best we will. I want God’s absolute best for my life and I want the people i love to have the same. All I want is God’s best for me & them. I pray that God moves in their lives in a way that they will see that it pays to wait on him.
I am a couple weeks away of completing my first year of law school. However, the is a doubt and emptiness that I sometimes feel. It is not necessarily that I question my abilities, but I wonder why many of the things that I am learning do not come naturally(especially since this is what I was born to do. I know that this process is arduous, but I sometimes wonder why I just don’t get what others do. It is hard to be in a community, and still be rejected. I sometimes I wonder where I will end up but for now I guess I must continue to embrace the process and trust the man upstairs. I just feel out of place at times.
Sometimes I sit and marvel about all that I see around me. The abundance that is before me, but God knows in reality that my heart is sometimes heavy because I desire a help meet on this journey. I look at those around me and I celebrate their relationships. But, I truly sometimes long for true intimacy and companionship. I desire something genuine, authentic, and pure.
I will never forget one of my mentor’s telling me that I may have to wait it out a little while before my portion comes along. I appreciate the process although waiting is not always easy. There are days when the reality is i just want someone to hold me and tell me everything will be alright and to encourage and nurture me. I am secure in who I am. I embrace my spirituality, but truthfully my humanity is so real. Sometimes the journey is lonely, but I am assured this won’t last always.
I feel peace and sorrow. I’m happy yet sad. Last Thursday, 3.28.13 I lost one of my best friends, confidents, mentors, and the matriarch of my family: my grandmother. She lived 86 joyous and wonderful years. I know she is at peace, but I miss coming home and telling her about my day while we are cooking or watering flowers. I miss her giving me wisdom or sitting up late nights talking to me about life and listening to me rant about school or work. I miss her telling me that all things are possible and sitting with her light shining bright and her reading her word, and talking about God’s grace, mercy, and goodness. I know God needed his angel, but I miss that angel. Her spirit lit our family, and she was a light for the world to see God. She was the epitome of God’s love, grace, and mercy. She had a close walk with him, and I’m grateful that she had such an intimate relationship with him and she knew him for herself. I admire her walk and the true woman that she was. She was great from the inside out. I pray that God continues to give me her strength, and wisdom. I pray that God helps me to love and care for the least and the lost the way she did. I love you Nana. I know you are watching me, and I want you to know that I love soooooooooooooooooooo very much. You are my phenomenal woman.
This morning my grandmother transitioned to be with God at around 4am, but she was pronounced dead at 7:40am. To know that she made it to heaven makes me want to rejoice. My heart is heavy, but I know that she is my ever present source of strength and help. She is with the greatest Father. I am glad that she was able to see me from infancy until now. She spoke into my life, taught me how to cook, and garden, and how to love. She showed me what it means to truly walk with God and to trust him fully. I appreciate the fact that she was able to speak into my life, and she was able to see me begin my journey in law school. She told me that I would get accepted in the University of Maryland School of Law, and her words did not come back void.
I will remember the Sundays cooking with her, and after church watching the Word network. Just hearing the word encouraged us both. Our late night conversations will always be memorable when I would lay in her bed the and we would talk about everything. I will always remember rolling her hair, or polishing her nails, and just having my ear close to listen in anticipation to hear would she would have to say. She poured so much into me and we had such a close relationship. I will never forget our bond and I can’t wait to see her in my dreams, visions, and eventually in glory.
I love how she loved others and taught love to be compassionate, and encouraging. She was a woman truly after God’s own heart. God thank you for the opportunity to know such a great woman.
First and foremost, I want to thank you for being a source of strength and my help, and blessing me with your presence. I am absolutely nothing without you and I thank you for your hand in my life. I ask that you please strengthen and preserve my grandmother. She is in a fight that seems to be getting the best of her. Physically it seems that her heart is weakening and getting worst. I know that you are capable of anything. Nothing with you is impossible. I ask that you please turn this situation around, and prove yourself strong in her body and her health. God thank you for such an amazing woman in my life. I trust and love you no matter what. I ask that you heal her body and strengthen her heart. Please God, extend her days and give her strength even now. Thank you because I know it is already done. :)
Atlanta skyline as the sun is setting, 76th floor, jazz playing softly in the background, and dinner for 1. This is how I spent my evening last Thursday. It was wonderful just to sit and appreciate the stillness and solitude of life. I spent the evening enjoying my own company and appreciating the little things in life. Sometimes it is wonderful just to take time to inhale and appreciate life, and the peace of life. Although i had work and was attending a conference, it was great just to spend some time alone enjoying my own company. :)
There is this heaviness that is looming over me that I wish to lift or possibly rid myself of. I can’t find the words, but the tears come. When I think about my grandmother, and the health battle that she is facing, it is hard. It is hard to see her literally in a battle has slowly taken its toll. I wish to see her better and able to come home. I try to fight back the tears even as i write this because, as much as I try to focus my attention on other things she is all i think about. She is my rock, my friend, and ever present reminder that God is sooooo real. I want nothing more right now than to see her well. Law school is becoming burdensome, demanding, and stressful. I don’t even feel like learning or even focusing on my work. I know on days like today, i have to push through emotions and focus on my purpose.
Sometimes, I just sit and think about the goodness and grace of God. I am soooo unworthy of all that he does for me and the many things that he protects me from. I am grateful that he keeps his hand upon me and guides my steps even when I mess up and I don’t do everything that I should do. I am just prayerful that he helps me to be the best steward over everything that he has given me. I am optimistic, because I am in his will, hand, and I trust him so much. I love that he loves me despite my mess.
Lord please continue to keep me grounded focus, and on task with my purpose. I thank you for your grace, mercy, goodness, and sovereignty. Thanks you that you love everything about me even when i am in the dumps and stressed. I give all of my issues to you. Thank you for being the best father, mentor, motivator, friend, and protector. :)
This semester was a complete challenge but it taught me many lessons about life, and myself. I learned that in some areas I lack discipline and my lack of discipline is fatal and detrimental to my success. There are many things that I must do next semester and in life in order to create the life that I desire and in order to fully prosper. This semester I did not fully put in the time, and preparation that was fully necessary to be successful. On 2 of my finals and for 2 of my classes, I am soooooo nervous about receiving my grades, but I know that I have work to do, and most importantly I know what needs to be done. I went bankrupt because spiritually I was not disciplined enough. My prayer life was not what it should have been and I often felt weary and doubted my abilities. Over the next month, I really need to re-focus, re-energize and remember my purpose in order to be better. My work effort and discipline is what will propel me and push me into my purpose. 2013 must be better in more than one respect!!!
There are literally two weeks until the end of the semester for me and I feel that my energy and strength has been usurped. I need to remember what inspired me to come to law school. The work and information seems insurmountable, and on a daily basis I am having to give myself pep talks. I am starting to feel extremely taxed and overwhelmed. I need a sense of refreshing & renewal. Lord, please take the wheel and give me everything i need to finish this race strong and on top. I HAVE TO FINISH STRONG.
As I was sitting in church today, there were many things that I was thinking. As I was praising and thanking God for all of who he is to me, and hearing about living debt free, something in my spirit began speaking and reassuring me of what I already know and believe—I am a millionaire. The millionaire in me has some many ideas and ventures, from law to philanthropy the life that I must continue strive toward is beyond what I can fathom some days. I know that it is only something that God can usher me into. I am so ready for the journey.
I’m at a crux and crucial moment in the semester. There is literally a month left until my last final and I find myself trying to just get through. I feel like the weight of the work and world are on my shoulders somedays, like today. I know that I will prevail, but seeing the light at the end of the tunnel can sometimes be a struggle. Today is just one of those days that I need a break from it all but at this moment in time: there is no sleep for the weary. I will make it and I have to just continue to affirm my belief in God, and know that all things work together for my good & that I can do ALL things through christ who continues to strengthen and encourage me. I am truly blessed and grateful just to be here. The stress will not destroy or break me. I will get through this journey.
It is wonderful that on Tuesday Nov. 6th, the country reelected President Obama for a second term, and also the number of women in the Senate increased from 17 to 20. This is great, but as a nation we have miles to go before we rest. It is sad to say the least that there are not any African Americans in the Unites States Senate, and to date there have only been 6, and one woman. The numbers of African Americans who have been Senators is startling. It is necessary and essential that more women and African Americans begin to run for such positions and simply be themselves.
The road ahead is tumultuous but I am certain that all things are possible and will occur in due time. I believe very soon, this country will see and elect a Congress that is vastly more diverse and reflective of the true faces and cultures present in this country. There is much work to be done, but for now in the trenches we must work fervently and diligently to make that possible.
On Tuesday, November 6, 2012: History continued as President Obama was elected for a second term. Not only was the experience emotional all over again like in 2008, but it gave me confidence and optimism about the next four years. I am sure that he will exercise presidential privledges and rights this time since he will not seek re-election.
Economical issues, jobs, poverty, taxes, and immigration reform must be at the top of his list to make changes and take a stand on. However, it is refreshing that he has be given the green light by the people to proceed and continue to do better and more to improve the state of the country.
President Obama needed another term, and the people continued to believe in the change that he has promised since 08’ and quite frankly has delivered. It is wonderful to see and experience the joy of knowing that the first Black president gets another win & term.
The little things in life matter the most. I appreciate the moments when I feel peace unspeakable, knowing that I serve a God who knows me skin deep: my desires, fears, insecurities, and dreams.
The untold intricacies of who I am that are unknown at face value can be understood without words. The joy from my heart often permeates thinking about all that I have that I don’t deserve. There is a lot that I know that I don’t have but I know for sure that I am rich in spirit.
There are many more things that I desire from life, and much more that I anticipate in the future. But for now all I can say is THANK YOU God. I am grateful, regardless of how I feel somedays. I appreciate your presence. Please continue to bless me with your presence and your spirit.