Today.

It dawned on me today how much I truly miss you. I miss talking to you about my day or us just reminiscing. I miss the spring and summer days when would sit on the front porch or the back deck and listen to wind whistle and birds chirp. Some days, I hate the fact that I can’t just sit and talk to you about life, and the little things. Today, was one of the hard days when I just wish you were here. It was a day that I needed your energy, inspiration, and smile. Just know if nothing else. I can’t wait to see you again. I miss you so much. 

It. Is. Finished.

Yesterday, I completed my first year of law school. I’m humbled, grateful, relieved and anxious. I am grateful that God helped me get through the hardest nine months. I felt every bit of the labor pains. From having a rocky first semester where I question my purpose, and call to this semester when I loss my grandmother. The days when it was hard to focus and believe in myself. I am grateful that God believed in me and trusted me to be where i am. I know I don’t deserve anything that I have, but I am 100% grateful. The disappointments, rejections, and let downs are truly making me stronger. It is my prayer that God continues to order my steps. 

Over the past nine months, doubt, confusion, and uncertainty got the best of me. However, I know that whatever God brings me to, he will surely bring me through. I have to trust him for the next 2 years of school and for life. I just want to be happy. There were many days when I felt like just giving up. God showed me the unglamorous process that is required to truly excel at my purpose. I never imagined that once I reached law school that I would feel the way I would. But at this point, I must continue to press toward the mark & trust God. 

Right now, I am grateful and preparing for my next journey in South Africa. I am excited and nervous but I know that all things are perfect in him. Thank you God for my purpose & getting me through this first year. 

Once upon a time…

Yesterday, I heard a sermon in which the Pastor taught about channeling negative thinking and focusing on positive outcomes and results. I could not help but think about my daily struggles in law school. The pastor stated that the best way to deter negative thinking is to use my imagination. I guess after 3 final exams and 10 grulling hours, I hope that this semester will be greater than last and that my greatness will prevail on paper. I feel conflicted when I take tests because I am forced to conform to an age old, crazy way of testing knowledge when I know what I’m capable of beyond a classroom and a test. I know that this is the process, but it is my hope that although my beginning was rocky, my ending will should and display god in totality. I pray that people will see that without him I am nothing. Heavy weight is placed on grades, but it is my hope that I can get beyond grades & excel.  I know in the end everything that I am going through will pay off. I just need to get through this middle passage and then I can live HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

.break.

School has been challenging and intense this semester. The hardest thing that I have to still get through is the fact that my grandmother is no longer here. Some days I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that she is now an angel. I miss her so much some days. My heart is still trying to process everything that has happened. 

This semester has been filled with days when I wanted to give up, give in, crack, break, throw in the towel and just merely walk away from everything. I have been stressed & annoyed as well. However, as long as God is getting glory, I am on course. This journey is not for the faint-hearted or weary. It takes a true relationship with God to know that he is so real. God is truly my source. 

There are days when I want to cry but I can’t because he is holding me together when I want to just fall apart. I know understand the phrase “things fall apart.” Although they fall apart, they also always work out for His GOOD, and there is purpose behind the process.